Right foot, left foot

I feel like this mantra has become my only remaining survival tool.

I was so optimistic at Memorial Day and now this weekend is Independence Day and I feel like I’ve been asleep for a month.

Anteayer was a sleep day – a 100% unrestrained rest, never even opened the curtains, didn’t even try to force myself up – down kind of day.

Yesterday was a mediocre day. I got a slow start and canceled a morning appointment. This is not something I like to do, but it has become an occasional gamble I take when I need to prioritize more basic things. I slowly started getting productive but by late afternoon I was feeling sickish and had to wind it down.

Today I tried twice, with alarms, to get up at a reasonable hour. I even watched TV and drank a full cup of coffee. I did manage to drag myself off the couch before noon and I was able to wash some dishes and get a few groceries at Aldi before I had to nap a few hours more – non-negotiable. I slept right through the alarm, which has become a pretty regular occurrence for me. Goodbye June.

Tomorrow I’m scheduled to work 8:00-15:00. Right now I don’t feel like I will be able to do it, but it wouldn’t be the first time I felt this way and still managed to right-foot-left-foot my way through it. But I’ll tell ya, tonight my heart is open wide to my higher power because I need help really bad. I don’t know how much longer I can keep trudging around in circles.

On another note, I donated blood with the Red Cross a week ago and today they notified me that my blood type is A+ (I grrinned at how symbolic that is for me) and that I also tested positive for COVID antibodies. I’m not ashamed to admit it feels damn good to be right about having had that virus, given that I can’t explain most of the other bizarre symptoms I experience all the time these days.